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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks all.

My kids are very little and relative is nearing 90, so it’s unlikely they’d be old enough to understand for quite some time and unlikely she’d be able to do much purse string holding with them.

I know anything could happen but knowing her as I do, I’d be shocked (and at this point delighted) if she left the money to anyone else. So I’m trying to plan for the event.[/quote]

Talk the situation through now with a financial adviser -- if you don't have one, find one (sometimes banks will give financial advising services for free to longtime customers, so ask!).  Try to create a relationship now with an adviser who has some experience in wills and trusts and who will still be around in the next few years when your relative dies.

You can't dictate the instrument the relative uses, but you can at least let a financial adviser know what's up and ask what the adviser thinks. It sounds as if your relative will not be open to, for instance, working with you to identify a better trustee than this other, distant relative, but let the adviser likely has heard similar scenarios before, and can help you think it through. It can be pretty reassuring to hear that other folks have had similar experiences and things turned out OK.

It's entirely possible that the other relative/trustee would turn down the trustee role anyway. If that person says yes to being trustee before the fact, but after your relative dies, doesn't want the job, there are mechanisms for changing trustees, possibly to someone who will be much easier for you to work with.

Don't wish away the money, though. It is SO good to know there's money for college tuition -- for that, above all else. College is so freaking expensive now that everything you can set aside for  it is good.

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