Reply to When he does something that makes me feel angry, he becomes the victim.

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Reply to "When he does something that makes me feel angry, he becomes the victim. "

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[quote=Anonymous]Maybe OP's example isn't the best, but I know what you mean.  I have the same experience.  If express the slightest amount of annoyance or irritation, let alone anger, my husband gets whiny and acts like I slapped him.  Sometimes he literally puts his hands up in the "don't shoot" post.  Its drives me bonkers.  I don't yell at him.  I don't nag him.  I don't criticize him all the time.  But if express the slightest displeasure at something he did, I'm being irrational, unreasonable, and mean.  I've learned not to try to talk about it, because he always turns it around so that I'm the one at fault, and I end up apologizing for not giving him the benefit of the doubt, or for being hurt by something even though he didn't mean it to be hurtful, etc.  Essentially, I'm only allowed to be upset if he is deliberately mean.  I'm also not allowed to just "give in"--the only thing that makes him happy is if I genuinely agree with him that he was right.  So I just don't disagree with him about things very often.  It's gutted our emotional intimacy, which he complains about, too, but I just can't win.  [/quote]

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