Reply to When he does something that makes me feel angry, he becomes the victim.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This sounds like he did something stupid, but I'll bite.  I'm a divorced guy who shares custody with my ex.  We mostly get along well but have a few dustups, including this past weekend.  My son was at a sleepover and I made plans with the parents of his friend to pick up my son from there (to take both him and his friend to an event), unless my ex picked him up before (in which case I would adjust the plan).  My ex was furious that I made this tentative plan without consulting her first because it put her in an awkward position with the other parents.  I don't really think I did that, but I understand why she felt that way, so I told her I made a mistake and was sorry and should have first talked with her.  She continued to scream at me for a fairly long time.  Whenever I tried to explain what I was thinking and why I did what I did, she would get more upset that I was being "defensive."  It angered her more and more that I defended myself (while conceding I may have erred).  I mention all this because I'd bet my ex would use the same description as you -- he was acting as he is the victim when he did something wrong.  I was not the victim in what I did originally; I may well have been the transgressor.  But I was a victim of the overreaction.  Even assuming I was wrong, I didn't deserve getting screamed at.  I wonder if something similar is happening with you -- your bf f--d up, but you really let him have it.  Maybe, maybe not, but if so, that would explain the purported inconsistency you're seeing.  [/quote]

Your ex may have been overly angry, but you sound totally clueless and I would guess that you do this kind of thing all the time and this one caught her on a bad day or pushed her over the edge.

To OP, he’s probably embarrassed if he did it absent mindedly. If this is unusual, just let it go. If he does it all the time, well, decide if it’s something you can live with because it’s not going to get better. [/quote]

+1 PP above seriously...your ex doesn't want to hear from a 3rd party what the co-parenting plan is. Don't be weirdly obtuse.

To OP, if cited example is an infrequent occurrence I'd let it go, but when someone routinely attempts to out-emote you in an argument ("take the garbage out? Do you even want to be married anymore!?!") it's an attempt to negate the issue and invalidate your feelings, and likely evidence of larger sub-surface issues. Worth discussing on a calmer day or during a walk when you're both feeling better as it's a maladaptive coping mechanism. Probably learned by him growing up.[/quote]

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