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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've made a very conscious choice to keep joy in my heart for my living kids. I don't want them to look back and think "we had a great life till IT happened." I'm trying to ensure they have a great life now and see their parents laugh and see them interested and not just coexisting. I had to take it a long time because it ever came naturally. I've spoke of this moment before on this board but I will never ever forget the first time I truly laughed after his death. I was sitting on my front porch gossiping about some petty shit and my mom made a reference that just cracked me up. Like really laughed. Not forced laughter because you don't want ppl around you to feel uncomfortable, not fake laughter you give your other children mindlessly so they know you are listening, but real "that's funny" laughing. It taught me that there would be laughter again and I woukd.not have to manufactor every happy moment. I think of that day often when I'm struggling. My thoughts and strength are with anyone on a similar.journey.[/quote]

Pp here. One thing I wanted to add is it was my mom who was able to bring out that laughter. It's as if the woman who gave me life was the only one who could bring me back to life after my soul had died.[/quote]

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