Reply to Dealing with hard to please MIL

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Dealing with hard to please MIL "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My own mother is disapproving and difficult.  My SIL has backup from me and my brother (her husband).

So if my mother looks over the table and says "Oh, no olives?" Bro or I will say "Mom, I've never seen you eat an olive in my entire life."

If my mom says "You let the baby climb on the couch?" we quickly say "You know, it turns out all our friends were allowed to climb on the couch as long as they weren't wearing shoes - we just lived in an uptight household - it's nice that Baby can be more comfortable than we were in her own home."

If my mom says, "Oh, you picked this restaurant?" one of us will say "Yes, because you asked us to make reservations here the last three times you came to visit."

[b]We almost never leave SIL alone with our mom, and we answer so she doesn't have to be the bad guy.[/b][/quote]

OP here.  I love this.  Your SIL is very lucky to have you!  Turns out, MIL is quite the bully - of course, you would never know it by looking at her, which she uses to her full advantage.  One of the by products of this is that no one (her grown children included) want to stand up to her.  Much like the high school bully, I think her offspring believe better me than them.  Her focus shifted from DH to me when we married. I did not believe my ears the first few times. Quite an unhealthy dynamic, and DH admits to what he sees/hears (he is not in denial), and is working on saying something to her when he witnesses her vindictive behavior.  But many in her family shrug and say "well, she has always been that way, she is not going to change now".  I agree with that, so I am looking to maybe be just as snarky as her? Maybe she would back down?  If not, I at least I would feel a lot better, but I am not accustomed to dealing with people as rude as this, within the immediate family.  [/quote]

You just go about your business.  Be polite.  Be distantly polite. Don't lower yourself to her level.  If she says something cruel, say, "Wow Barbara, that was very cruel. I'm sure you would be hurt if someone spoke to you that way." and then ignore her or walk away if you can or hang up.  If she misquotes you, speak up and defend yourself, but politely.  "Actually Barbara, what I said was that I'd love to host Thanksgiving, if it won't cause hurt feelings since Lori always hosts that one. I don't know why you'd say I told you I didn't want to host."  If she says "You've always been a fat slob and I told Danny not to marry you," you can totally say "I don't know why you think it's acceptable to say that to anyone." and if it's your house, say "I'm sure you can understand that since you spoke that way to me, you'll have to leave.  Here's your purse." And hold out her purse to her near the front door.  If you're at her house, "I'm sure you can understand that I will leave because I won't be verbally attacked."  And gather your children and walk out.

Always keep Patrick Swayze from Road House in mind - de-escalate, but be nice. Stick up for yourself, but do it nicely. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics