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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My own mother is disapproving and difficult.  My SIL has backup from me and my brother (her husband).

So if my mother looks over the table and says "Oh, no olives?" Bro or I will say "Mom, I've never seen you eat an olive in my entire life."

If my mom says "You let the baby climb on the couch?" we quickly say "You know, it turns out all our friends were allowed to climb on the couch as long as they weren't wearing shoes - we just lived in an uptight household - it's nice that Baby can be more comfortable than we were in her own home."

If my mom says, "Oh, you picked this restaurant?" one of us will say "Yes, because you asked us to make reservations here the last three times you came to visit."

[b]We almost never leave SIL alone with our mom, and we answer so she doesn't have to be the bad guy.[/b][/quote]

OP here.  I love this.  Your SIL is very lucky to have you!  Turns out, MIL is quite the bully - of course, you would never know it by looking at her, which she uses to her full advantage.  One of the by products of this is that no one (her grown children included) want to stand up to her.  Much like the high school bully, I think her offspring believe better me than them.  Her focus shifted from DH to me when we married. I did not believe my ears the first few times. Quite an unhealthy dynamic, and DH admits to what he sees/hears (he is not in denial), and is working on saying something to her when he witnesses her vindictive behavior.  But many in her family shrug and say "well, she has always been that way, she is not going to change now".  I agree with that, so I am looking to maybe be just as snarky as her? Maybe she would back down?  If not, I at least I would feel a lot better, but I am not accustomed to dealing with people as rude as this, within the immediate family.  [/quote]

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