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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't have a SN child, but I know people who do, of course. They aren't close friends, but I see them at parties and school gatherings, etc. Wondering how you all would like to engage in environments like that. Should I ask about your therapies and doctors? I tend to think that's probably not appropriate in the setting. But maybe I should. I do of course ask about their children, but the conversation doesn't usually turn to anything serious. It's an honest question of how others could be kind and helpful to you in a social setting to be able to enjoy yourself. I'd love to be able to do that. [/quote]

Well, probably everybody is different, but I don't mind general questions about DS. Not "Is Larlo doing the advanced math program?" but "What's Larlo up to this summer?" is good. Then, depending on my mood I can say "Oh, we're not sure yet, still looking." or "I don't know, I'm struggling to find something that's a good fit because he's so anxious week long camps don't allow him enough time to warm up before the week is over." or "He's going to X program to help with academics, because that's been a struggle all year." If I've told you before about an upcoming doctor visit or therapy, it's fine to ask how it went or how it's going. If I tell you he has a specific diagnosis I'd rather you ask "Do you find there are good therapies for that here" rather than "Have you tried X?", because the latter can end up sounding/feeling like I "should" be doing X, even though I have tried X and it didn't work or we can't afford X or wait lists for X are 2 years long or X is not supported at all by research, or whatever.

Also, just be thoughtful about whether I'm the right conversation partner for things you want to discuss. For example, my husband has been having bad headaches and him being out of commission for days at a time has been a scheduling hassle. I vent about this to a few friends, but not the family where the mom is undergoing a bone marrow transplant. If your kid got a B- in algebra and you are worried about college, that is understandable. But if you want to spend more than a minute on that topic, find someone who also would be incredibly worried if their child got a B- in algebra.

Finally, sometimes families are going through a crisis and there is no way to enjoy a casual social situation. This is not specific to special needs, of course. When my dad was dying and I was trying to figure out when I was flying home, I took my kid to a pool party and basically stood off the side the whole time, reading texts from my sister about what was happening. I'm sure people said hello to me and I really didn't want to get into the whole story, so I just didn't invite further conversation. It's nice of you to want to help SN parents, but sometimes our mind is just somewhere else. Don't take it personally. [/quote]

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