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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would like some feedback from anyone in a similar situation —

My parents don’t have secret debts and they are generally good and decent people, but they never focused on finances, lived in an ultra low cost of living area with modest jobs.   They have some retirement savings — less than 500k, and social security.  The immediate problem is that they want to move to be closer to one of my siblings and grandkids.   I am generally supportive of this —  they live in this big, old house now where things are constantly breaking and the house is ill equipped for their current lifestyle.   I think they would be best served moving to a 55+ del Webb type community — while in decent health, there are some problems lurking beneath the surface (bad knees, diabetes, etc) and I think both of them would benefit from the community that these del Webb places offer.   The problem of course is the $$$ — no way the current house is going to cover everything.   I am inclined to help especially if it means they get a nicer place with a community as opposed to an old shabby house in a random subdivision in a new town where they don’t know anyone.   It just feels like the latter option can contribute to further health declines (both parents can be prone to sedentary lifestyles unless you prod them).    So that’s the short term issue.  Do I help with this?

BUT the long term issue and the one that has (literally) been keeping me up at night — they have no game plan when it comes to long term care, nursing homes, etc.   They never purchased long term care insurance and obviously their modest assets will not be enough to cover long term health care costs should the need arise.   Neither of them have given this any thought — the plan is that they will both die before this becomes an issue or I will figure it out when the time comes.   This is not a plan.  I have a relatively high income ($400k+), wife, no kids and none in the future.   I could obviously do more to help them but it is hard for me to figure out what I should be doing now.  I have hired an elder law attorney to help protect assets for Medicaid.  Should I just take the position that choices have consequences, they are likely headed to Medicaid someday, and it will be about just finding the best Medicaid option?  Or should I be touring nursing home and continuing care communities myself, have all of my homework done way before anything is necessary, have a firm sense of the financial commitments, and start planning now?   My wife is not opposed to helping but also becomes frustrated when I am spending all this time researching things and my parents response is “we aren’t discussing nursing homes; never bring up the subject again.”

I really appreciate any other perspectives.  [/quote]

My grandma recently died. My parents were in the same situation as you. The Medicaid facilities that were open were AWFUL. my parents had my grandma on a waiting list at a sunrise facility and were paying 10k/mo waiting for a spot to open up. In the meantime grandma died. She had blown through all her money (what you have to do to qualify for Medicaid) but in the meantime while they waited for a decent place to open up, they shelled out 100k in under a years time because grandma had gone broke and they weren't going to put her in an awful shit hole [/quote]

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