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[quote=Anonymous]I am a woman and my parents divorced when I was 5, so I really only ever knew them to be apart and having divorced parents was just my life. They both remarried within a few years. I can't even imagine them being friends, much less married, so I never pined for them to get back together or anything. I mostly hated the logistics of travelling back and forth (they always lived in different states) and having to worry about pleasing both sides on holidays and other occasions. I also felt like an outsider when my dad and step mom had kids.

I never begrudged them for getting divorced though because I knew they were unhappy. I am 29 and married now (only 1.5 years), but their divorce has always affected my relationships because I second guess myself. I think, well my parents were together for 13 years (8 before they even decided to have a kid) and still ended up divorced, so as happy as I think I am now, who's to say this is going to last? I definitely always said that their divorce made me never want to get a divorce, especially not put a child through that, but we are not going to have kids, so it's sort of a moot point. I'm not opposed to divorce on principle if for some reason in the future I felt my marriage needed to end. But I also acknowledge that marriage is work and requires constant attention from both people.

With all that said, I've seen therapists and had many hard conversations with my mom (my dad and I aren't close - mostly because he's a narcissist) in order to explore all my feelings about my childhood in general - a big part of which was not just The Divorce, but the entirety of living as an only child of divorced parents. I would encourage people to talk to their parents about why they got divorced and what their feelings and fears were about how it would affect their kids. Hearing my mom's perspective as an adult was really interesting. You have to acknowledge they are human and flawed just like us now. [/quote]

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