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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Could you ask him to account for the spending money from his mom? It might not be as extravagant as you think given costs near campus or other factors.

My stepson’s food budget looks outrageous on paper. I was shocked and sure that he was eating every meal out. He’s in law school, lives off campus, and can’t use a meal plan. When we visited, it turns out that all the grocery stores within walking distance or a short bus ride were WF or high end local organic (like Mom’s) and imported (think Balducci’s). To get to a regular grocery store, he has a long bus ride through a sketchy part of town and must Uber back. He also has very limited storage space in his shared kitchen. His housemates do eat out 3x a day. We are all together looking at other options for him, but for now, it’s just a lot of money. [/quote]

OP here. I get what you're saying, but he's on campus with unlimited meal plan. Truly, he could manage without any spending money at all, but we don't expect that. The extra expenses we came up with were laundry, cleaning supplies for his bathroom, subway pass, phone allowance, and a small snack budget for the dorm.

[b]Also, we said that he should track expenses and come to us if he felt he needed more money.[/b] This really was more an exercise in financial accountability. I was a little annoyed at him for not mentioning the extra money from his mom. But, I was much more annoyed at her since her stance was that she was contributing all that she could afford to tuition. If she had been upfront and said she would cover a certain amount of his living expenses too, it would not be a problem, but, finding out after the fact makes it more difficult. [/quote]

Two things:

1. I think his dad has to be the main communicator about this. He has to be on board, and he is the primary parent of the kid for your family. I know, you've been involved for about a decade now, but these things get complicated really quickly when emotions are brought up. Keep the lines as simeple as you can.

2. It's perfectly fine to get together with the stepson and say, "Hey, we heard your mom is able to contribute more than expected. That's great! We should sit down and rebudget together. (That's what families do when they are working together. Situations change, and so your plan for dealing with them changes. This is no big deal.)  Let's see what makes sense as a new plan."

3. If his dad doesn't want to go there, and you can afford it, even though it's admittedly kinda crappy that it fell out that way -- sometimes the cheapest way to pay for somethign is money. Decide how much it is worth it to you to push the point, or maybe if you want to tackle it at a more natural break, such as a new school year.[/quote]

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