Reply to I need to sleep alone. Reason for divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Yes, I've been the therapists (though not currently in therapy) and tried exercise, and I take sleep meds sometimes --but I can't take them every night. I'm not on antidepressants; I feel like I should avoid them because it's mostly situational. Maybe I should be drugging up more. I have a noise machine but he doesn't like it.

As PP notes there is a huge stigma attached to not sleeping together. That's one of my DH's arguments--every couple we know sleeps together and can't imagine not doing so (or so he thinks).

Thanks for those offering support. [/quote]

I think you're right about sleeping separately if that's what you need to get rest.  I am a woman and like you an extremely light sleeper. My teen rolls over in bed down the hall and I wake up!

But there is so much more going on here. How open are you to thinking about this beyond just wanting to convince DH you need to sleep alone?

If the depression is "situational" and you don't want meds, shouldn't you be in regular therapy so you maintain a way to cope with whatever situations bring on your issues?

You said YOU "feel like you should avoid" meds--but what did your doctor(s) say? Did you try them and take yourself off them or did a doctor say to stop? I would want to revisit this with doctors.

Did you know that exercise, if it's going to help with depression or anxiety (and it can!) must be done very consistently and...pretty much always? Did you try for a while but then stopped either when you felt better or when you felt it wasn't working? It can take time.

Your sleeping issues began when kids came along. Have you had a complete and exhaustive physical work-up including hormonal tests? Are you possibly in perimenopause (it can go on for years, OP) or maybe even edging into full menopause, perhaps earlier than most people? Age is not necessarily an indicator. Peri menopause can create a lot of what you're describing including sleeping problems. Or there may be other hormonal issues. I'd get a full physical and gynecological work-up. "Situational" depression may be exacerbated by physical issues that you don't know exist.

Has your DH taken your depression etc. seriously or does he tend to be a "just get through it" person? His strong feelings about sleeping arrangements are bleeding over into resentment, from what you describe. I would make couples counseling a big part of this. The purpose would not be to prove that you're right about where you sleep, or he's right. It would be to find out what's really up in your marriage that makes him feel he's being distanced from you and makes you feel you don't need further help dealing with depression/anxiety. He may need to hear someone who is not you say that you do need sleep. You may need to hear from someone who's not him that he's feeling distant in more ways than just not sharing a bed. Inthink his insistence on sleeping in the same bed may be his way of saying he's frustrated with other things. And if you've got mental health issues you're thinking of as treated or merely situational, you may be missing his (admittedly muddy) message.

Please update us. [/quote]

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