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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would stick with th plans you have with your niece, if they are already made.

I know it’s nice to think so, but you’re not a family yet. Your actual familyand niece are still the most important ones in your life.

It sounds like you wil “have” the kids together all weekend. You will have plenty of time to be with them. Personally, I don’t think that some time apart for 4th celebrations is such a bad thing at this point (just meeting /first time for an extended trip). It may actually be good for them to have some just dad/grandma time.

The thing is, both families are always going to be a consideration in the future. It’s not “your” family vs. “his” family. Someone is always going to “get” Christmas or 4th of July, or whatever. Compromise, flexibility, and sometimes thinking outside the box, are always going to make it possible for your relationship to continue. What so often happens is the loudest family gets the most time, resentment builds up... and things fall apart. Set your boundaries now that YOUR family is important too, and that you have every right to think of them as just as important as he thinks of his.

I know blending a family is hard, but you don’t have to give up everything to do it. That’s not up to you. [/quote]

Remember, if you marry this guy, you are stuck with his mother until she dies.  And if this guy is already calling you names when he doesn’t get his way, that also isn’t a good sign.  I would not give up anything/move anywhere with this guy until you have a proposal (maybe even marriage) and a well-thought-out plan (with discussions) about what your future will look like (holidays, family responsibilities, finanaces, etc.).

The kids know me well. They aren’t just meeting me. This trip is about them meeting the rest of the family. I’m thinking about the kids too when making these decisions. I mean imagine being 3 and meeting 50 people at once. Then add drinking and loud fireworks. She’s shy. I fully understand him wanting to include his family but I think it should be grandparents(they’ve never met his stepdad) and then slowly adding more family. [/quote]

Honestly, this seems like a different objection. You are completely in the right to want to spend the 4th, as planned, with your niece. You do not get to take the lead in deciding the best way for them to meet their dad's family; you can voice your opinion, but that is not your call. Couching your reasonable point in terms of that unreasonable justification is not going to help your case and will only rub everyone the wrong way. Just say that you are busy between x and y times (whenever you're seeing the niece) and you will bring the boys to see grandma and co at any other time (since it sounds like they don't have firm plans anyway) if that's what your BF/their dad wants.[/quote][/quote]

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