Reply to DCUM- you're my only hope. Well...no but here I am anyway.

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[quote=Anonymous](for more accuracy, insert a curse word in ever 2-3 words, as that's what I sound like IRL)

I work. He works. He works from 3pm-2am, roughly every day, and he works every most weekend. He loves his job. When I tell other people what he job is, everyone is interested and wants his job too. It's a fantasy job== great perks, awful hours and poor pay.

Essentially, he sends the kids off to school and I come home to take care of them. He sees them about 1 hour per day. He works most weekends too, and schedules time to be at soccer games, but that is it. We have had 1 date in 1 year. He is currently out of town for work for another two weeks.

I'm working full time, make way more money than him (almost double), and single parenting the whole thing. I have told him for almost a year that his work schedule is a huge burden for me, but he doesn't seem to prioritize me. (For instance, we made plans to have a weekend together, sans children, and he has to back out due to some mandatory event.) We're both not seeing other people-- his work schedule, my work schedule don't allow it. Plus- I'm really a hot cash cow for him.... so..... Moo. I work when the kids are in school so we really don't see each other.

I've considered couple's counseling, but the problem isn't him personally: it's his job. He's a nice guy and really loving. I would love for him to keep his job because, well, he's never going to get anything like it again and it makes him happy. What I want is a divorce. I know that's silly to want a divorce because of a job, but it's true.  I don't want to ask him to quit a dream job.  I want to move closer to my mom and just have him take the kids on the weekend (which is a hilarious idea because it's never going to happen, he HAS to work the weekends), however, it's quite literally the only way I can make him see his kids. Oh, and the only way I can have a life- we live about 2 hours away from both of our support systems and our closest friends. (which is really just my friends, because he works all the time and doesn't have friends because of it.) I've made new friends, but I trust my old friends more, because my new friends are in love with my husband's job.

Plus, I'm at risk of losing my job now because I'm juggling so much more than him. I don't want that. I hate his job and in turn, him. I've been crying every night because I feel like my only options are divorce, suicide, or apocalypse. So I pray for an apocalypse. Which has happened because I have cancer now. (totally treatable, unbelievable because it's in part stress induced).

Oh: my question is, what should I do? DCUM, don't fail me now.

a) Pack up the house and move to my mom's and put the house on the market before he gets home and tell him it's over. (My preferred choice- full scorched earth and my mom is super helpful. His mom is not.)
b) Wait for him to come home and ask him to move out so we can start the year of separation?
c) Quit my job, and just live a healthier life but accrue a ton of debt because we'll be making 1/3 of our combined salaries?
d) Start dating another guy just so that I have a backup and we have a reason to break up?
e) Keep praying for another apocalypse?
f) Tell him to take the kids and move in with his mom so that I can figure out exactly what I want.
g) Tell him we're moving to my mom's area and that he has no choice because I want a divorce and this is the last thing that we can try before I know for sure it's over.
h) Tell him to quit his dream job and find some boring job that has regular hours so we can be a normal married couple?
i)  Cheat on him to realize how great he is and then give up?
k) Find another married couple in the same situation and become sister wives?
l)  Sell the house and move near his mom and buy a mansion with the money from selling out house and moving to the country and quit my job.
m) Move to Canada.
n) Become a platonic lesbian. (I know, but I'm really already there anyway).

I may actually get to z at the rate I'm going, but whatever.

I am so conflicted by this. I love him. I want to stay with him. But his job is literally killing me now. I am open to any suggestion or advice.

And for the record: My therapist hasn't been really helpful about this either. She knows it's a problem. But it's not him. It's his hours of work.

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