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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Friend is having affair - wants to bring "other person" on a group trip"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is a totally bizarre situation so please bear with me. I am traveling to Europe for work later this summer. A bunch of my friends currently live in Europe for their jobs. We've made a plan to have a "reunion" in the city where I'm traveling for my business trip - we have all known each other for many years. We will have a long weekend of sightseeing, food, drinks, going out dancing, etc. We rented a great house so we can all stay together. Friend A is recently married, but living apart from their spouse due to overseas work assignments in different cities (1500+ miles apart). About halfway through the planning process, Friend A says "Oh, I'm inviting my new friend, Newbie B to join us on the trip. Newbie B is a great person, totally awesome." Newbie B even goes so far as to lay out the money to book the accommodations for the entire group (I found this really surprising), we will all pay Newbie B back. In a private conversation over Skype, I ask Friend A: "Oh, is your spouse coming? It would be so good to see them! It's been too long." Friend A says their spouse can't come due to work commitments. Friend A basically keeps avoiding the topic of their spouse, but gushes on and on about Newbie B (whom I and most of the group has never met). It's weird. I talk about this weirdness with Friend C, who is a longtime friend and also going on the trip. Friend C admits that Friend A has been having an affair with Newbie B for months. Friend C is the only person who knows, it has been weighing on their conscious the entire time. Friend A is seeing Newbie B multiple times per week. Friend A's spouse knows NOTHING about this and we are not even sure Friend A's spouse is aware of this trip. The other friends attending this trip are completely unaware of these dynamics. We are all sharing housing together, all of us are friendly with Friend A's spouse (but definitely closer to Friend A). We attended their wedding only 20 months ago! If Friend A and Newbie B share a bedroom or start engaging in PDA, it will be completely shocking for the others attending. My spouse thinks we are implicitly sanctioning this behavior by letting Newbie B attend. However, we had no idea this was happening when we were initially told about Newbie B's attendance. Also, my spouse believes we should alert the other friends attending. Unfortunately, plane tix have been purchased months and most of the money is a sunk cost. I don't want to be party to a torrid affair and having to hide all this from Friend A's spouse. WWYD? [/quote] I would tell the spouse of Friend A that he affair was happening and reply all to the group that this arrangement won’t work because you cannot condone adultery.[/quote]
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