Reply to When/how to tell child (and older siblings) that dad is not biological father?

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Reply to "When/how to tell child (and older siblings) that dad is not biological father?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The husband and wife have one older child, a 5-year-old son. Last year, the couple separated. During the separation, the wife had a brief relationship with a new man that resulted in pregnancy. That relationship ended. The wife found out she was pregnant. The father of the child has zero interest in being involved in the child's life.

Toward the end of the wife's pregnancy, she reconciled with her husband. She has since given birth. There is no issue with explaining it to the husband or wife's families- everyone knows about their separation in 2017 and the reasons for it.

It is (physically) clear that the husband is not the biological father of the daughter.

The wife wants to be honest with the daughter about her origins. There are many stories of people who found out their dad wasn't their "real" dad later on in life (teens or later) and understandably feel betrayed and lied to. The wife likes the approach many people take with their adopted children, where the story of how they came to the family is told to them from the start. But how would that work in this particular situation?

The question is, what is an appropriate age to tell the daughter? And how should it be approached? And how can it be explained to the now five-year old son? And, if you'd like to throw in bonus opinions, you can offer your input on how to introduce the daughter to her biological father's non-American culture when the biological dad won't be around.

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I think it should be approached early, as with children in more typical adopted families.  Will the husband be adopting the child?  I think the story you told in your OP is the story you tell the child.  Mommy and daddy (am assuming new baby calls the DH daddy) had some big fights and were not together.  Mommy started dating and became pregnant.  However, Mommy and the new man realized they didn't love each other.  But still, Mommy loved the baby so much and Daddy also loved the baby and they realized how much they also love each other so they got back together and that is how the family grew.  Then answer questions.  Heres one thing I learned as an adoptive mom and friends with other adoptive parents.  The kids care a LOT about the mom and ask a lot more questions about the mom than the dad.  My kids have shown very little interest in their bio dads, although that may change.  Questions are all about the mom. [/quote]

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