Reply to Is this a normal personality trait, and/or should I do something about this?

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[quote=Anonymous]So my DD is 13, and has a lot of great qualities--happy, excels in school and sports, is corny and fun and makes friends easily.  She is very smart, but in a concrete way--will tell you facts and figures, how many hawks she saw in the sky that day, but doesn't want to get into long deep conversations about what's going on with people or in politics etc.  She's also very independent, creates her own fun, and is not much trouble!  It's fun to be her mom.

She has this one deficit, and I don't know what to call it, but I'm going to give you the latest example of it, in the hopes that someone here can

1) name what I'm talking about, and 
2) tell me if it's just a normal variation, or developmentally normal, and
3) can it be improved, and if so, how.

The latest situation is this:  DD is on a club team that replaced their coach, Coach Larlo, due to the coach not able to keep control of his temper.  Coach Larlo ended up at a club team Astros and works under a person that also coaches the same sport at DD's school.

DD tells me that her school friend Judy told DD she joined Club Astros, and so DD told Judy about Coach Larlo.   I asked what she said about Coach Larlo, and she says, "that our club owners had to fire him for yelling...." etc.  She told a story or two, in a funny way.

This is not good on a number of levels:  
First, when someone has already committed to a new club, it's not really cool to tell them negative things about the coach.  
Second, this is sensitive stuff.  Not really good payback for the coach, who has been good to her over time.  
Third, it's foreseeable that Judy is probably going to tell her teammates, and her parents, who are going to then approach Coach Larlo's superior (again, who will be DDs school coach) to discuss what they heard.  
Fourth, there's only one place that info could have come from--the gossip trail back to my DD is obvious.  This is also foreseeable.

So I tried to talk to DD about this, but DD first said, "Well Judy is my friend!" and then, "FINE I shouldn't tell you anything!"  Both of her responses were off-point.

What's bothering me is that this is just ONE example of this sort of blindness to the nuance of social situations.

I've just sort of thought this is a normal part of DDs different personality, as my other older DC has been attuned to social nuance since at least first grade.

But after this latest blunder, my DC said that "DDs (social mistake) is just so basic, and she's just so clueless about this stuff, it's an ongoing thing....I think she should get checked out; maybe she is on the spectrum, or maybe there is something that can be done about it, while she's still young."

So anyways, I'm not asking about the coach situation.  I'm asking about what IS this blindness, and what if anything do I need to do about this?

Thank you in advance![/quote]

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