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[quote=Anonymous]I think my 14 year old (8th grade) daughter might be gay and I'm wondering how to ask her about it. It seems kind of ridiculous to me that I'm even posing this question because I think my daughter and I have a good relationship, and my husband and I have always been very open to all kinds of lifestyle/personal choice options (much to the dismay of our kids' grandparents who wish they - and we - would conform to 1960s norms in everything from appearance to behavior to career and housing choice).

Anyway, for at least a year - maybe 2 - DD has been peppering our conversations with info about gay-related topics. She will tell me about actors who are gay, real life stories she's read online, news items/current events, etc. She does a lot of creative writing apart from school and her main characters are usually gay. Today she simply stated "We're celebrating gay pride month at school." -  and I wondered, why is she telling me this except to try to tell me something?? (For the record my DH was in the room too but later admitted that her statement made no impact on him.) My response was something like "Oh that's cool, I didn't know it was gay pride month - what are you doing to celebrate?" and she told me she's going to wear rainbow socks. But I was dying to say something like, "Oh, that's cool, so I'm wondering are you gay?" For awhile I've wondered whether she might come out to me, but I remember at that age not wanting to explicitly tell my mom things - I would just hint around and hope she got the message. My mom appeared to never get these hints, and now I'm wondering if I am the dense mother.

I mean, does anyone ever just say, "are you gay?" Literally I'm wondering what words I should use to ask her. Even the phrasing "do you think you're gay" sounds almost insulting since it I feel it implies she's just "thinking" she's gay when if she really IS gay, then I assume she KNOWS it. Especially since she was well into puberty by 4th grade.

I also don't want to make her feel weird or uncomfortable if she's NOT gay. I don't want to put words in her mouth or startle her or make her feel like she has to explain herself.

Maybe some conversations are just going to be awkward no matter what and I have to be ok with that?

I've thought about asking advice from my gay friends/colleagues, but haven't yet.

Any thoughts appreciated.
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