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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'd tell her once more that she needs to stop comparing the kids in front of them, and you will not tolerate it.  The next time she does it, either she leaves or you leave with the kids.  Every single time.  What she is doing is so incredibly hurtful, and can damage her relationship with both of your children.  And if she only makes the comments when your husband isn't around, she knows damn well it's wrong.  [/quote]

This. You should have stopped her immediately with “I strongly disagree, Madge. Kate does not need to change.  Bruce and I are proud of her exactly how she is.” Then change the subject. [/quote]

I agree w/ the pps.  I would sit down with her, you AND your husband, and make it very clear that she must stop or you will restrict contact.  I would also give her a list of the wonderful attributes of your younger child - and maybe provide opportunities for her to see those perhaps less visible but equally important traits.  And I would insert myself into any conversation in which I hear these kinds of comments and say - in front of the kids - "Madge, don't talk about Rachel that way.  She and Annie are two different people with different but equally wonderful qualities.  For instance, Rachel is particularly good at X, and also at Y.  I don't let anyone talk about my girls in ways that make them feel badly."

I would make damn sure my husband was equally strong in this with me.

Totally unacceptable in my book.  I would become a pretty fierce protector pretty quickly (perhaps too strongly but so be it.)

Good luck OP.[/quote]

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