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[quote=Anonymous]
I have a mother who cannot stop herself from reverting to her pet nags after a while, even though she has been told she mustn't say them. It's mainly due to untreated anxiety and having nothing else to focus on.

Examples: she told DD that she was fat and needed to go on a diet when she was about 3. She thinks all normal weight people are fat, and that the only normal person in the family is my son, who is underweight and on a weight-gain plan. She thinks my DD's hair is too long and despite constant reminders that we don't want to talk about it, keep telling us we should cut it short. And on and on...

Here are two things that have worked:

1. Limiting the frequency and length of visits. She's on her best behavior when she first sees us, then after a few days it goes south. So do whatever it takes to make these visits shorter. Tell the truth if you need to!

2. Warn your kids. We had to do that for 3 yo DD, who listened wide-eyed as Grandma was telling her not to eat so much. This takes a toll on their relationship, but it's better than the alternative. My kids are now 8 and 13, and it's basically water off a duck's back when Grandma comes out with another blooper.

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