Reply to Dating: I want to be friends first

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Depends on the situation.[b] If you met at something that isn't about dating (a race, through friends, the gym, etc), then it makes sense. If you met through something specifically for dating, such as online dating[/b], than I'd think you wanted to keep me around but also wanted to keep your options open. I completely understand wanting to develop a friendship first (in fact I think it's the smart thing to do), but I see online dating as very targeted, and I think anyone who went in there looking for friends would be very unsuccessful. Especially if they basically wanted a dating relationship (weekly dates, contact every day, going to nice places, the guy pays, not seeing other people, etc) without actually calling it dating.

To answer your questions:

1. If someone wants to be friends only, I'd appreciate it if they let me know sex is off the table. For me, I'd still have sex if they wanted to because I can handle FWB.

2. At this point, they aren't a friend, they are an acquaintance, so I'd treat them like any other acquaintance. They'd be a very low priority. If we had a common interest I would invite them out for it maybe once a month or so. No long phone calls, no marathon texting sessions. My long term friendships would come first. After a few weeks/months, if we really hit it off as friends, I would make them a higher priority.

3. I'd put the same amount of effort in that I would any other friendship. It would depend more on what we were doing.

4. Romance comes in many forms. I wouldn't worry about it.

5. Yes, absolutely everyone pays for themselves.

I think a good rule of thumb is: would I continue this friendship if either of us started dating someone else? If so, then go ahead and develop a friendship. If not, then give it a couple real dates and end it if things don't click. [/quote]

NP.  This is great advice.  I'm someone that needs to know someone pretty well before I can move forward.  I would do well in an environment that supported old fashioned courtship.  But that is not the world we live in anymore.  So online dating really doesn't work for me.  I need to meet people through common interests where we see each other on a regular basis over an extended period of time.[/quote]

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