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[quote=Anonymous]
I am familiar with this anger phenomenon.

My husband did this with our son, who has severe inattentive ADHD, before he was formally diagnosed. He would yell and punish DS for daydreaming, not paying attention, not eating, being super slow, etc - all things that were impossible for DS to control.

It was very painful, and not only did it hurt their relationship (but not to an extreme, they love each other, obviously), but what most concerns me is that it permanently modified my son's personality. He is very compliant. He does not have a strong sense of standing up for himself, since he was yelled at for some years before being diagnosed and put on meds. I encourage DS to be firm in his beliefs, to advocate for himself, to know exactly where to draw the line - that last is the hardest for him, since norms created during childhood are viewed as acceptable behavior. I don't want him to be bullied or to bully, his own partner or children later in life.

First, I would continue to work with the pediatrician on why your daughter is not growing. Do all the tests. Explore all possibilities. Were you or your husband like this at the same age? Are you short and slim? Alternatively, is there a GI issue, or allergies or intolerances? Could it be some type of inattentive ADHD that causes her to daydream and not be hungry except for her favorite foods? I know all about that last part!

Second, I would INSIST that your husband not yell or raise his voice. It's really hard not to get upset during these spells, as I have experienced with my son. But you must stand firm. We made a deal, my husband and I, to point out to each other the times when we raised our voices to DS. It really works! Of course, most of the time it was me pointing the finger at him, but as long as you're on the same team, that's all that matters. If he's not on board, you have to get him to a therapist. You have to tell the ped, and the ped can talk to him. Basically, enlist the help of others, don't hide this away, because that's how abusive behavior flourishes.
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