Reply to 28 and Never Had A Boyfriend

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sorry to hear about the abuse.  Guy here, and I think most women worry way too much about stretch marks.  It's NBD, honestly.

Your past is your own business, you shouldn't feel a need to advertise your lack of relationships to potential BFs.  The lack of sexual experience is fine, as long as you are enthusiastic.

I'd suggest you get serious about fitness, potentially look to learn about makeup / hair / a wardrobe to maximize your looks, and get therapy / counseling.  The goal of all of those would be to build self-confidence.  It will be hard to find a LTR if you hate yourself.  [/quote]

Op here. Yes, I have been in therapy for a year. I have an odler male friend ( more like a mentor) who also had a similar childhood ( both of our moms have bipolar disorder) and it’s been great taking with him. He urged me to seek therapy, as he has benefited him. I come from a Republican conservative home wher I’m am deemed a “ snowflake” for wanting to go to therapy. My family makes fun of me for being an introvert, but I’ve never told them about the abuse as a child, though many of them suffered the same abuse at different stages in their life.

I’m really into fitness and have grown more confident and appreactive of my body ( it’s really just the stretchmarks that make me insecure). I’m otherwise successful in my career, great with kids ( former nanny), and I love sex. I think the biggest thing holding me back is the worry a guy won’t accept me for my past. I feel embarrassed and ashamed by the lack of a life.[/quote]

Congratulations on trying to work this out.  There is nothing wrong with you!

There are two aspects of your past that you perceive as "issues"
- abuse - You had no control over it.  It is not something you even need to bring up until well into your relationship (Your therapist is the best person to advice you on this).  This is not as uncommon as you think.
- Lack of sexual experience - A whole lot of women abstain until marriage.  A majority of people in some countries only have sex after getting married, that too to someone they barely know.  So this is not a big deal.  There used to be a time when being "virtuous" was a virtue.  Amazing what has happened to society since then..

I'm a guy btw, and based on your posts, I think you will be a great catch for some lucky guy!  If I were single, I would definitely go out with someone like you - athletic, great with kids, nice career, loves sex, confident - what's not to like!  Good luck!
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