Reply to SIL drama is ruining my marriage

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[quote=Anonymous]My SIL's personal issues is causing major stress in my marriage.  She is a recovering drug addict.  Her ex was able to get sole custody of their child and she has limited supervised visitation.  She has a hatred of her ex like you would not believe and it has consumed her.  She has a long history of trashing her ex to their daughter.  She got in serious trouble with the court for this.  Those are her main issues with the court her drug abuse and parental alienation.

Her visitation can be supervised by a professional monitor or by my husband and I.  IL's cannot supervise because of past enabling behavior that was to SIL detriment.  H and I have basically been sacrificing a good chuck of our weekends supervising her visitation for the last 1.5 years.  I really love my niece and do enjoy spending time with her so in that aspect this is not a burden.  It's dealing with SIL who is like an emotional vampire and can suck all the happiness out of the air.

Things came to a head in late March when I was supervising a 4 hour Saturday visitation.  SIL cannot be alone with niece but I keep my distance as much as I can while being in the same room.  One of the things the monitor has to do is make sure SIL does not speak badly of niece dad even subtlety.  I know I don't even know how this woman has supervised visitation.  If SIL does anything to violate any of the guidelines in her visitation plan her visitation period for that time comes to an end immediately and has to be reported.

My niece mentioned that her dad was trying to install a fence around the pool at his house and was having some trouble.  SIL laughed and said she did not know how a man child like her ex with the mentality of a baboon could install a fence.  She then said he was too cheap to hire a professional and he was still the same cheap ass as he always has been.  SIL knows that she cannot talk like this about her ex in front of their daughter.  She knows this.  I ended the visitation immediately and reported what had transpired.  That is what I am supposed to do.  I am now being punished for that.

Because SIL did not adhere to the guidelines her visitation was suspended pending a review by the court, nieces GAL, etc.  My report set her back to 0 you could say but I think she was already there.  Bad mouthing her ex has the same consequences of a dirty drug test.  I know what she said might be considered typical banter by an ex but it's taken very seriously by the court because of her history.  It also shows she is not making any progress with her anger she has toward her ex.

My husband and IL's think I overreacted.  This has caused us so much stress.  My husband basically said I was tired of being around his sister on a weekly basis that I ran with what she said to sabotage her.  SIL says I took what she said out of context and misunderstood.  That is total bullshit.  We have argued over this non stop since it happened.  H took the same classes I did.  He knows what she said was totally inappropriate and not good for our niece.  It's like they think as long as she does not test positive for drugs (she is still taking methadone) or falsely accusing her ex of child abuse then everything is fine and she is making progress.  H is usually really good about not falling for his sisters BS but he has seriously regressed.

I am so sick of fighting.  After a huge fight where we both said some very hurtful things I left the house and went and stayed with my parents.  I have not been back home since last Sunday.  Since I have been away from the fighting I feel like this huge weight has been lifted from me.  Staying with my parents I have an extra 45 minute work commute but I don't care.  The peace has been nice.  H told me to grow up and to come back home.  I'm like go back home to what.  To a man who chooses to believe the worst and be influenced by his drug addict sister.  I told him that held no appeal to me and I wanted to stay separated for the time being.

Do you think I am right to stay away or should I go back home?[/quote]

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