Reply to I don't know whether to put up or shut up

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here's the situation - I have two young kids, one is SN, and life is tough. I work so many hours and have a flexible job, which I really enjoy, but I am constantly under an incredible amount of stress with balancing my work life and home life. If I didn't have to worry about the kids and all of my parenting responsibilities, work would be great, but the two combined just give me a lot of stress.

My husband is really awful and emotionally abusive. Every week I am really and truly ready for a divorce, but then I back down because I am already so stressed/overwhelmed right now and [b] I'm not foolish enough to think that single parenting is going to be any better.[/b] If it were not for the kids I would bail in a heartbeat. And not even because I would feel guilty about them living in a broken home (I would, but the situation is so bad, that in and of itself would not keep me here). More just that my overall quality of life would not improve, I don't think. Yes, my husband is a lazy POS, but any help he gives is better than the zero help I would get if I was running the show completely alone. Add to it that I'd have to outsource less because there would be less money, my kids would be uprooted from our home and community because of finances, etc and I just can't justify leaving.

What do people do in this kind of situation? I am in my early 30s. I earn what I would consider to be a very high income for a female my age, but I also have a lot of very high expenses relating to outsourcing stuff and dealing with childcare, plus the SN child. Do I just suck it up forever? Until both kids are in school? Or will it be even harder to leave then because I will be older?

I used to be primarily worried about meeting someone again and if I'd be single forever but I guess I don't really care anymore. I do hope I would be able to meet someone again but the finances and dealing with my day to day life are a much bigger concern.[/quote]

But it really can be.  I have 2 kids, 1 SN and 1 NT.  I work crazy odd hours but have a flexible job with a decent income.  We make it work.  Overall, the house is much more peaceful without my ex.  There is less emotional roller coaster for me which means I am there more for my kids.  My kids have learned to help out in the house.  We are a team and we make it work.

My expectations are different now because I don't expect any help.  I don't get any help so my expectations are being met which means no disappointment.

You don't have to justify leaving to anyone but yourself and your kids.  If you're in an emotionally abusive relationship, it's time to leave.  It's scary and it will be hard.  But there really can be peace on the otherside.[/quote]

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