Reply to I don't know whether to put up or shut up

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I am so sorry.

I do not have a high income.  I was a SAHM and went back making $25k less ($50k).  But I left, because it became clear to me over the years my husband wasn't going to let me exist.  I couldn't have an opinion, a preference, a want, or heaven forbid, a need.  If I said anything, he would make sure to do the opposite.

Leaving was awful and is still awful, but I'm alive.  I don't think his plan is for me to end up alive at the end of this.  Or at least, I think the choices are I either fail horribly and he look amazing or I'm dead.  I'm still alive.  No matter how bad it gets, I remind myself that he hasn't won yet.

If you have enough power in the relationship to minimize his role in your life, then do it.  Don't give a shit about what he wants.  Tell him to pay for his own shit.  Don't do anything (not a single thing) for him.  Don't care about him.  Just forget he's there.

If you don't, then leave.  Leave for your sanity, because it will help your children later.  Or leave because you don't want to model for your children that his behavior is okay.  That's why I left.  So my daughter may one day see me with someone who is not an abusive jerk.  So she doesn't end up with them.

I left when my daughter was 4.  I do wish I had waited until she was 18, because he wound up being able to use custody of her to abuse me further.  That's another angle to consider.[/quote]

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