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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You can forgive, but I don't think you need to forget.  It's ok to move past whatever happened at The Big Fallout.  But chances are pretty low she's changed her stripes at all.

Which is fine.  But I'd go into every interaction with that in mind.  [b]Stay guarded and spend small amounts of time at first.  She needs to build some trust back up.  If she can't get through short, low stress interactions without drama, it's time to step back again[/b][b].[/quote]

This is good advice, OP, but I'd say it largely applies to your husband.

You can keep your distance but support him if he wants to see her. Advise him as above -- see your mom, but spend small amounts of time and see if you feel she is sincerely rebuilding trust with you, DH. If it gets dramatic, have somewhere else you need to be. He should always have an "out" he can use: "I need to go see cousin X, I said I'd go over there" if mom lives out of town, or "I'm taking the kids to event Y tonight" if she's local.

You, OP, don't have to see her at all, or can see her in even smaller increments, but to me your main role would be acting as DH's sounding board and backing him up in what HE wants to do regarding his mother. If he wants to see her, it might be best for him to see her one on one without you, or if she especially wants to see you and you kids if there are kids--then arrange specific outings, rather than just hanging out at her house, or having her hang out at your house. Find a neutral "third place" you can leave naturally and easily: A meal out followed by ice cream with the kids can end very naturally with, "The kids have a big day at school/church/whatever tomorrow, so we'll need to head out in half an hour," for instance.

Sure, MIL could be faking the fact she's sick. Or she actually could be sick. Short of asking her to present evidence, you can't really know, and if she is not well and DH ices her out, well, that is something he'll have to live with either way, whether he's OK with it or regrets it. I would just give the benefit of the doubt, assume that the apology is sincere, and let DH take the lead on how much he sees her and in what circumstances.

Better to take the high road and say, "Apology accepted," even if she's being dramatic or fake, than to ignore it (or worse, not tell DH she called to apologize) and then find out later she did mean it, or was actually ill. [/quote]

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