Reply to So Tired of Negotiating Everything

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[quote=Anonymous]I fell into that same pattern - thought I was doing the reasonable thing to keep the peace while juggling work, caring for children and elderly parents. Thought was reasonable to try to keep a warm family home up and running, even though I was exhausted doing it all. If I had a different idea about anything, it was met with derision, and I was told I was arguing. I don’t think he realized this; sort of self-absorbed. Men in general I think learn to argue for their perspective, and that turned into long lectures when I tried to start a conversation about anything. He did not ask me my opinion about anything, and I came to realize that he assumed he was always right anyway. After a long marriage, I am living by myself and very happy with that - nothing official to end the marriage, I just don’t live in the same place he does. I can build my own life now, and do what I would like to do instead of bowing to his preferences. My self esteem is much better. I became a doormat, and he liked that - looking back I realize I morphed in to his mother - running the house, solving problems, cleaning, etc. I’d recommend you stand up for yourself - don’t have to argue, but just be clear what you want, don’t always cede to his preferences. I always put his well being first, and that encouraged him to think he was the only one who mattered. Otherwise this will get progressively worse and you will lose your identify, will just exist to make his life better with nothing there for you.[/quote]

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