Reply to So Tired of Negotiating Everything

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[quote=Anonymous]Has anyone else been there done that?  Have you found a way to stop negotiating mundane things without either becoming a complete doormat (and just doing what your partner wants to avoid conflict), or not caring at all about your partner's preferences?  Here is an example of a negotiation I can't believe we're still having after 10 years of marriage and 3 kids.

We go to subway occasionally.  I like turkey.  DH likes ham.  A foot long is cheaper than two six inch sandwiches.
DH: Would you like to split a footlong?
Me: Well, what sounds good to you?
DH: I was thinking about the ham. 
Me: I think I'd prefer turkey tonight.
DH: But the ham footlong is less expensive than the turkey footlong.
ME: I'd still prefer the turkey.  Let's just get separate sandwiches.
DH: But that isn't the best value.
This is a freaking sandwich!  Why do we have this conversation!  If this type of thing happened only at subway I'm sure I'd laugh about it.  This is just one of so many negotiations I have every single day over the most mundane and insignificant details of life.  If we're grocery shopping together and I grab a package of pasta, its "are you sure you want that one?  What about this one?"

We don't talk about bigger picture things.  For my part, I am so exhausted with the small negotiations I don't have the energy negotiate something bigger like a 5 year plan.  When we plan vacations I've just drawn lines in the sand and decided not to care what DH thinks (easier said than done).  For example, we will have a rental car if we are somewhere without good public transit (I'll find and book).  We will stay in hotels (I'll find and book).  We will eat food I consider healthy.  DH plans the activities.

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