Reply to Close with mom but strained relationship with dad. Unsure of grandparent visititation

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We had something similar and in the end we found MIL is codependent with FIL and therefore they are not able to separate. In the end they were both banned.  [/quote]

I was the same with my mom and dad.  She couldn't go anywhere without him so she didn't come. When visited my hometown, I stayed with other family members and my mom would drop by when she could get away.  I learned long ago that he was always her priority and if it ever came down to a choice, she would always choose him. It was really sad.  Now that he's dead, she visits all the time. [/quote]

op here: co dependency is an issue but not at this level. my mom is fine visiting without him and actually prefers to visit w/o him. he on the other hand is possessive. i would buy her ticket and he cussed her out and said that he needs to buy it. i told her i could buy it...he would have no way of know i purchased it unless she told him...apparently she feels she has to tell him. it is really frustrating. there's a weird daddy-child dynamic b/n them...she's always trying to gain his approval and it has cost her so much.

she told me a day ago that she warned him that w/ his behavior he may not see he grandchild. his response: his daughters didn't have a paternal grandfather (he was deceased) so my son would be fine w/o him. the fact that he doesn't even care about his only grand child makes it all the more baffling that my mom deals w/ it. based on his assets (paid off home and rental properties and 6 figure salary...30 + year marriage..no prenup) she would be able to move to my city (in the south) and retire in a nice condo, bought cash, and buy the dream luxury car she's wanted (instead of a 15 year old corolla)

banning my mom isn't an option. she is really my only parent and loves unconditionally. i think she'd  choose her grandchild and me over him but that is an ultimatum i don't want on my shoulders.

i agree with a pp that I will just have to explicitly tell him he isn't welcome unless he apologizes to my husband (something i know he wouldn't do)

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