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[quote=Anonymous]Anyone else have parents like these? My parents have either chosen to or are unable to make the transition to being parents of adults rather than parents of children. I'm in my late 30s and married with a child. DH and I both have full time jobs and we own a home. We have no debt, a good amount of savings, and have generally shown that we are able to function well in life.

For some reason my parents still treat me like I'm a teenager. I get constant reminders about basic home maintenance, reminders to RSVP to functions like family weddings, unsolicited advice about why the providers I've chosen to manage a chronic health condition aren't good, among other things. I hesitate to tell them about things going on in our lives because they'll pump me for details so they can research it on their own and then contact us with unsolicited advice about why something isn't good enough and something else would be better.

DH just started a new job and we shared the name of his new company with my parents. In a conversation about the company, DH was sharing why the culture was a better one than his old company. My dad started in on that wasn't necessarily the case, as he had done some research on Glassdoor and other sites and then listed some things DH should watch out for. DH was certainly aware of those things as he had done his own research, but had concluded that the positives outweigh the negatives. It's like they always have to have the last word and give their "advice" as though we are incapable of doing our own research and making our own informed decisions. If those decisions don't align with theirs then it's just seen as wrong and uninformed and the general tone is that we'll come around to see their way of thinking soon enough when the decisions we make end up being clear that they're the "wrong" ones.

My parents will attend events for our child and immediately go into parenting mode, both of me and my child. They can't just sit and be spectators. They have to chat with the coaches, give our child coaching tips that sometimes completely conflict with what his actual coaches told him, and just generally be loud and conspicuous. They don't have inside voices, either. It's strange that as an adult I still feel that embarrassed feeling you get as a teenager when your parents show up to something you didn't want them to attend because they can't just attend inconspicuously like the majority of other parents. Parents of my kid's friends have made comments about my parents' involvement and how it's probably a lot to deal with, so it's not just in my head or something I'm especially sensitive to.

When I bring any of this up to them they act completely victimized and hurt. They just want the best for us, they're parents first and foremost etc, and they don't see how their behavior crosses a line. They see their job as parents to continue to parent, but they don't see that the relationship between parents and child should evolve once the child is an adult.

I have a minor medical treatment coming up when DH will be out of town and I feel the need to lie to my parents about when it is because my mom will insist on driving me to and from, and it always creates more issues than it's worth. I'd rather just Uber to and from (it's allowed). If my mom is there she'll be in "mom mode" and talk to anyone who will listen about me and she'll try to use the opportunity to get answers to questions she has that I've already answered for her but she's not satisfied with my answers because they don't align with what she would choose. If I tell her she can be there but she can't discuss me or my treatments with anyone there she'll get offended and make me seem like the one who's doing something wrong. If she finds out I lied about when it is she'll also be hurt. I can't win.

How have you dealt with this issue if you have a similar dynamic with your parents? [/quote]

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