Reply to If you and your partner wanted different #s of children, how did you come to terms with it?

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Reply to "If you and your partner wanted different #s of children, how did you come to terms with it?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Would marriage counseling be helpful for the two of you? Sometimes having a third party help you talk through things can be useful.

I'm not sure this is a helpful perspective, but in times like this when I feel resentful about how things are, I imagine that there's an alternate universe in which things are different and I have the thing that I am imagining I have now. The alternate universe version of me is not living a perfect life, even if she has the thing that I want here. No life is perfect and changing our circumstances adds different sets of struggles. Thinking this way helps me to maintain my sense of balance and security -- there are things I dislike about the life I'm living, but much of it is so, so good; if things were different, the same would be true -- there would be things I like and dislike about that different life.

I have one child who is the light of my life. It's hard for me to imagine having another kid whom I could love just as much or more. I feel like I made a perfect kid on my first try. It's a lot of fun to imagine giving my current child a sibling and the fun they could have together. But perhaps in reality, it would be unduly disruptive to my current kid, who would grow to have resentment and anger and feel abandoned. Maybe my second child would have serious needs that I could not easily meet, or maybe second child and I just would not "click" and we would have constant battles trying to understand each other. These are the potential realities we do not consider when we are dreaming of a different reality. But this is the type of stuff I think about when I'm bitter and wishing things were different in my own life.[/quote]

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