Reply to If you and your partner wanted different #s of children, how did you come to terms with it?

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Reply to "If you and your partner wanted different #s of children, how did you come to terms with it?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel like the partner wanting a smaller family should "win." Before we got married, we both wanted two kids. Now understanding the reality of parenting, looking at our ages plus tight financial circumstances, my spouse wants to stop at one. I understand the decision, and the reasons are very logical. I just can't reach inner peace with it. I'm looking for how others got there. I don't want to end up bitter toward my spouse, which I'm afraid I'm starting to feel.[/quote]

The lower number wins every time. Coercing people into having children that they do not want does not end well for anyone, least of all the unwanted child.

FWIW, this was a large part of why my first husband and I got divorced. "We" wanted 2 kids, which was a compromise for me as I wanted 1 and he wanted at least 4. We agreed on 2, but then he was a complete cad about how they had to be spaced very close together, with zero regard for the physical aspects of pregnancy that made me want to wait more than a year between kids. He also blamed the miscarriages I experienced when we were TTC #2 on my ambivalence about having more than 1 child. He actually said "Maybe if you wanted this child more, it wouldn't have died." I understand that everyone grieves differently, but that is a truly garbage thing to say to someone you claim to love and is an example of how unaddressed resentment can poison a marriage with this issue.[/quote]

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