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[quote=Anonymous]Hi, my wife and I have been together for nearly five years and I love her very much. She is a loving wife and great Mom 98% of the time. We have arguments and fights that sometimes escalate to yelling and personal insults. We are both working on our patience, but I am seeing patterns develop in my partner that are alarming and I need some advice.

The general pattern is we have a fight, don't talk for a day or two, then kiss and make up.

The kiss and make up part on my end consists of me letting her know exactly what the issues were for me that caused hurt feelings or emotions on my end. I do this generally via text, or write out in an email (unsent) and I try to tell her later. I try very diligently to avoid blaming and assigning responsibility but it also seems like she wants to avoid accountability for her actions during the fight.

Her post-fight kiss and make up consists of generally ignoring the texts...and then generally being defensive in her response to my grievances. If not defensive, she will use justification of her actions as an explanation. Very few times does she admit wrongdoing.

All of this feels very invalidating and counter-productive to me. Her avoidant approach might be influenced by her upbringing, where her parents literally "never fought". I think she would like that, but she has a sometimes combustible personality and her parents are VERY passive aggressive, unlike me (or her!). I think she has expectations that we will avoid conflict at any cost, and if there is a fight, we can just "let it go" after a few days of good feelings.

TLDR: My wife doesn't like to deal with issues after fights[/quote]

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