Reply to change of circumstances has led to better relationship--how to sustain when we go back to reality?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Before you go back to work, you two need to make lists of what changed while you were home. Everything from your mood/attitude to you picking up more of the domestic labor, to the flexibility needed to care for your child.

And then you need to consciously divide up that labor for the future. Because I am guessing that the #1 change is that you are taking care of all the little fires that come up daily, and that you are no longer too tired to do your share of the domestic labor.

The stress and exhaustion are going to return. But you two now know that the problem is logistics. So plan for them. And if the main problem was actually your mood and attitude, then you need to figure out how to not let your stress/anger/depression/unhappiness affect how you speak to or interact with everyone else. That might look like more regular exercise or therapy, or journaling.[/quote]

This is a good point. I think before we were both fiercely protecting our "time off". DH works from home so he has a lot more flexibility than I do. He can basically do what he wants all day as long as his work gets done, so he gets "fun time" frequently throughout the week while our child is in school and I'm at work. He goes to the gym daily, meets up with friends for lunch, has time for his hobbies etc all during the day (not everyday, but frequently), and then he makes plans for the weekends as well and I feel like I'm always "on".  My job has no flexibility--I barely get a chance to go to the bathroom and scarf down something to eat in the middle of the day, so when I come home I'm exhausted and done. The health problems compound that by a lot.  I'm also an introvert so I need time alone. When I'm working I rarely get time alone, although DH does let me sleep in on the weekends.

Since I've been home, I get the time I need during the day so I'm ready to be "on" at night or the weekends or whenever. I'm happy to prep dinner etc. where it was all such a complete chore before. We do try to simplify and have meal kits delivered, housecleaning service etc.

I can't deny that I'm a lot happier not working so I guess I need to figure out how to communicate in a less frustrated way when I'm feeling burnt out. It just stems from DH having so much more time to do what he wants to do so there was a lot of resentment that built up over time. -OP[/quote]

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