Reply to Vandalism plus lying about extent

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[quote=Anonymous]My HS son was just caught vandalizing a neighbor’s shed with his friends.  I am pretty shocked because he has never been in this type of trouble before, but it is clear he was involved and not just watching.  More information is coming from the neighbor every time we speak, I believe as they are discovering more damage, and I learned that the boys stole some things from the shed.  My son admitted to the vandalism after I pressed him, but lied through his teeth about the items stole (one of which he had) although he ended up admitting it to my husband. I am really disappointed and really pissed.  I think we need to come down hard, absolutely, but not so hard that there is no end in sight of punishment.  We are paying for the damages, and I think my son needs to work off this debt to us by helping the neighbor with yard work etc (if she accepts).  He is currently grounded from friend activities. My husband wants to go further and ground him until summer, plus take away PS4/TV privileges until the debt is ‘paid’ through work for the neighbor or us, plus he never sees these boys again outside of school. I think this is going too far. Our son already gets depressed easily, and after this experience I don’t see that he will be hanging out unsupervised with these boys for a LONG time, but who are right now his main friends and the only ones he regularly sees outside of school.  I do not want to downplay this incident, and yet I do not want to send my son into a depressive tailspin. My husband and I not seeing eye to eye is not helping! We just had an argument about this which is why I’m posting. Any suggestions for handling this situation that are appropriate without being draconian?  Thanks for any advice.[/quote]

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