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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You need to go back to counseling and work on your communication skills.  You need rules and boundaries to keep from spiraling like this.

That said, you opened with admitting that your fights devolve into anger "and sometimes violence," you said you don't want to be screaming at each other around your kid, but you think the real problem is her removing herself from the fight?  I think it sounds like the healthiest detail in your entire post.

The way you describe fights you're both doing the same things (getting defensive, accusing the other of the same behavior you're participating in, getting angrier instead of defusing, going on the attack, etc.) and the only difference in how you process these fights is her leaving the scene.  Is it the very best way a fight can be defused?  Absolutely not.  But neither of you have the emotional maturity to defuse fights otherwise, so you should thank your lucky stars she's doing *something* to defuse before you reach the level of "sometimes violence."[/quote]

OP here, thanks. The violence is relegated to her pushing me out of the way (or down the stairs) in order for her to run away or have some other kind of outburst.

I didn't include what I do to defuse the fight-which is to walk away to another place in the house and be quiet, not let my words create any more trouble, and her reaction is to either follow me around the house screaming, or to badger me with taunts to crank up the fight again.

I don't feel like her leaving is the best option for anyone, especially me and the kid. It shows a disregard and disrespect that is indicative to me of how she feels about us. She's not trying to defuse, she's trying to escape a problem or situation that she is largely responsible for creating. [/quote]

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