Reply to Daughter is feeling nervous about new step siblings

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[quote=Anonymous] A lot of good advice here. I agree that telling her that this isn’t going to be a problem is pointless. For starters it absolutely will cause problems.  Any major change is going to have some positives and some negatives, so promising her there will be no negatives is pretty ridiculous. And trying to tell her that only the positives are valid things to see and talk about is also pretty ridiculous.

Instead focus the conversation on making her feel heard and problem-solving how to address her concerns. If she is worried that she won’t get one on one time with you, make a plan for exactly when you will continue to have one on one time. If she is worried that you will spend too much time with the step siblings, talk through a typical week and which time will be hers, which time will be shared with all the kids, which time will be spouses only, and which time might be one on one with you and one or other of the step kids.  Ask her which things she thinks will work well with the new arrangement.  Point out that just like the step kids will get some of your attention, she will also get some new attention from her stepparent,  and that there might be things that she and stepparent can do together or talk about together that you and your daughter never did. But mostly, just listen and let her know that you hear her and her worries are real and important to you. [/quote]

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