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[quote=Anonymous]One of my very good friends recently started a relationship with a woman. It is very confusing to me. I have known her since high school. She was definitely into guys in high school and college. We talked about her boyfriends all the time as friends do. She was in a 6 year relationship after college.  Then she got married a couple years later, I was there through the dating, the engagement, the marriage. From all accounts as a close friend, they were madly in love. One of her other very good friends is a gay man (was in her wedding party) so homosexuality was not a taboo topic. After 8 years she found out her husband had cheated on her. She was a mix of absolutely devastated, heartbroken, and angry. She stayed with him for almost a year in an effort to work it out but couldn't. She moved out and into a new place. Her next door neighbor was a lesbian woman "Anna" and my friend befriended her and found a listening ear. However I noticed over the next few months my friend changed. Anna is very much angry at straight white men in general and kept reinforcing quite aggressively how bad men are etc. My fried started to parrot Anna and also to let Anna 'lead' her life and decisions. Anna is a very dominant and aggressive and loud person and doesn't take no for an answer. I kind of backed off my friendship a bit because I really didn't enjoy spending time around Anna. More and more of my conversations with my friend seemed to also be about Anna...that was all she talked about. Less than a year after she left her husband, my friend calls me to say Anna proposed and they are getting married in 6 weeks. I had no idea they were dating and no sense in my 20 plus years of knowing my friend, had any mention of her being interested in women every surfaced. She told me that Anna helped her see that she was a lesbian and that given they are in their 40s, they decided to get married. She hadn't told me she was dating Anna as she knew I wasn't a fan, it was all very fast, and she was still really confused about it all. So they got married about a year ago. I rarely see her anymore as I don't enjoy Anna's company at all. She draws attention to herself everywhere she goes...and I have this unpleasant thought (that I have kept to myself) that she kind of took advantage of my friend's vulnerability - being a friend but really wanting to get her to sleep with her / date her.

I still don't really get it. How does one at 40 just realize / decide that now they are a lesbian. I truly have an extremely hard time accepting that her marriage and earlier relationships were just all fake / acted / for show as I knew her then and she was as straight and in love with guys as anyone I know. If she was never attracted to men and just led her husband on, it also makes me see her differently. I have pulled away from the friendship but she keeps reaching out. I just feel like if the 20 years I knew her, I obviously didn't even know her at all, the friendship wasn't really a deep one.  I feel hurt by it all and sad I lost someone I always considered a close friend. [/quote]

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