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[quote=Anonymous]If I’m not ready for joint finances and not even really wanting to talk about or use my savings/net worth with a partner, does that mean I’m not ready for marriage?

Long story short – in my 30s now, in a good relationship that we both see moving forward. I’m no heiress and I’m sure dcum will say it’s nothing – but I worked in NYC for 8+ yrs in finance and working those crazy jobs, I have ended up with a net worth around $1m.  In DC now making ~170k; if bf and I were a combined household, we’d end up with a ~300-320k HHI.  Problem is -- if we married, I’d want the trappings like close in, new construction home in Bethesda etc.  It’d take a while to save that type of down payment, yet I also wouldn’t necessarily desire to pony up the down payment myself from my NYC earnings.  Same with any big expenditure/savings I think of – I’d do it on my own, but not so sure I’d want to use that money in a marriage.  Because while all is good right now (and it’s not like we’re getting engaged tomorrow – so I have time to think about it) – all I can think of is – what if I stupidly put up money for big expenses and for whatever reason the marriage doesn’t work out in the long haul?? It wouldn’t be a matter of – oh I can just remake that money. Those kinds of NYC finance jobs recruit young people and I’ve aged out; and if I could even score one, I don’t have the ability to work 15 hrs a day regularly now the way I did at 26.

Anyone had these thoughts? I feel like guys deal with this ALL the time – and most are able to take the “what’s mine is yours” approach for everything from down payments to 401ks, and I feel like I should feel the same way -- "what's mine is ours" and yet I don't really.  And FWIW – I haven’t talked to bf about this and it’s not like I think he’s the kind who’ll start spending my money or anything . . . I just worry that I always end up thinking about this and can’t get over that hump (and it really only applies to big life expenses and big savings (so houses; investment accts; 401ks), I have no problem paying for dinners, concert tix, trips etc. and we both pay for those kinds of things). Am I just not meant to be in a partnership??  
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