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[quote=Anonymous]Our marriage was circling the drain, then I became pregnant, and the baby is now five months old. We are both madly in love with this child. My husband is hard-working and does more than his fair share of household work. He's not entirely comfortable caring for the baby but does his best. But he has anger problems. When he is frustrated and feels overwhelmed (which happens easily), he lashes out - particularly at me. Trembles with fury. Yells (though he calls it "raising the decibel level of my voice - not yelling"). He lives at a fast pace and has very little patience for others who move more slowly. If I'm taking too long to get in the car/get the baby ready to leave the house/do anything, really, when he's in one of his moods, he rushes me in such a nasty way it makes my stomach seize up. He is aggressive and confrontational, which has caused some problems with members of my close-knit family. He's never hit me or threatened to but when he's angry he behaves in a menacing way. I know at the end of the day it's abuse, even though he's not controlling at all.

I don't take it lying down. I react and get upset and hold him accountable for his behavior. And he thinks that's unfair. He either doesn't think he's behaving inappropriately or doesn't think I should take it so hard. I am a sensitive person, but this shit is unacceptable. We have had sex in over a year. I had the pregnancy as an excuse, and then healing from birth, but the truth is that he's never nice to me for a long enough stretch of time that I start to feel emotionally safe enough to want him near me.

So now we have this beautiful child and every time we have an "episode," even though he doesn't do it in front of the baby, I'm thinking of (a) the example that's being set for our kid about how a man treats a woman; (b) the example being set about how to behave and handle frustration; and (c) the inevitable day when my husband becomes frustrated and makes our child feel as anxious and small as he sometimes makes me feel. And while I may not have respected myself enough to leave him in all this time, I do feel I need to protect my child.

My husband was out of town for a night and I got taste of single motherhood. I already do most of the child care but still, it was HARD. I know I'd struggle financially if we divorced. (I work full-time but I'm not a super high earner.) We just bought a new home right before the baby was born, and I don't think I can afford it on my own. The baby ADORES Daddy; just beams at him. I feel so trapped.

SO... if you had similar such marital problems and you divorced - whether you were the husband or the wife, the cause of the breakup or the aggrieved party - what does the aftermath look like?[/quote]

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