Reply to How did you come to terms with secondary infertility/having an only child?

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[quote=Anonymous]I don't have helpful advice, but am also in the same position.  I have a daughter who was pretty much an accident and born just prior to by 40th birthday.  I just turned 43 have done 5 rounds of stimulated IVF, 1 natural cycle, am trying a minimal stim cycle and then DE.  So far everything has been well covered by insurance, but the DE cycle won't be and our fertility issues make the DE far less than a sure thing.  The process is more stressful with a potential end in sight and I have yet to figure out how I'll handle the end.  I'm making a note of the therapist the PP mentioned!

My family was big on the "at least you have 1 child" response.  Yes, we're very lucky to have one child, but one person's existence isn't a consolation prize for the lack of a desired other person's existence.  Different, yes, but I can't imagine comforting someone by saying hey, I know your mom is gone, but at least you have your dad.  I know they mean well, though.  My husband's therapist has told him that infertility is a loss and should be grieved as such.  I think it's true.  Different than a death in the family, but still similarly painful - and very difficult to deal with b/c you often keep it secret from others and even if you tell people, if they haven't experienced it, they don't understand it well and therefore aren't able to be as supportive.[/quote]

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