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[quote=Anonymous]She is expected to be the primary point-person for emergencies, appointments, errands, and general emotional unloading. DW comes home telling me how drained she is---not so much physically; but rather emotionally.  Her dad is in a slow prolonged decline, and he has a very pessimistic outlook and personality. Being around him is an emotional drain.

Noteworthy---her dad "doesn't do" emotions. He has never been able to handle grief, stress, or sickness in others. When his parents (DW's grandparents) were declining and in last stages, her dad stayed away. He had DW running point and being at the bedside, there for last days. FIL was completely removed.

I want to tell DW: "Step back. Unplug. One--this isn't healthy for you and you are having an admittedly hard time managing. Two--your dad had no problem delegating to others (you) and being emotionally and physically absent during his parents' health decline and death. He couldn't handle it, so he did not, and he put that emotional, physical, and logistical burden on you. You should follow his model and do the same."

Does anyone have experience with this? Advice?

I care first and foremost about my wife. It is so hard to see her unravel, generally. Especially so for someone who has given zero F**ks about others.

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