Reply to Can you bounce back from being bad-mouthed to spouse's friends?

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[quote=Anonymous]DH was very sweet to me, but also immature when we first met, and he basically told his friends that he was just using me for a "good lay" and thought I was stupid.  Even before he proposed, when his friends would ask if it was getting serious, he would say "nah, it's not like that.  NOTHING like that. haha."  He then got stuck in that weird role, so after we were engaged he would joke about me being his "ball and chain" and trying to get pregnant and "hook him."  And, well, of course, a couple months before the wedding, I got pregnant, did not know any of this, and was happily announcing to everyone there (I was 32, diagnosed with severe endometriosis and told that infertility was a real possibility -- plus I wasn't drinking and made our toast with chocolate milk!).

I found out about all this bad-mouthing years and two-kids later, when I heard a concerned friend talk to him in our pantry about "getting out" because he was so unhappy and just "pretending".  It's been an emotional roller coaster over the past few weeks as I confronted him and then he has started to open up about the issues and I have started to piece them together.  We are talking about counseling, but I want to know if I can ever bounce back from being bad-mouthed with his friends.

Some of DH's friends somewhat like me because they hang out with us, but many of them only see him when he "gets away" from me.  (This gets bizarre, but is sadly true -- they plan coed "boys" trips so he can have an excuse and the only uninvited wife is me and it's been happening for years.)  And, two of his high school friends did a "tough love pack" (that is what they called it) where they are not talking to him until he divorces me.

This is far above our heads.  DH is as scared as me.  We obviously will need professional help with someone who specializes in this issue.  But, I need to know if there is any real hope for me to be accepted by his friends.  I was thinking of writing a personal letter to each one of them (starting with the two who did the "tough love pack" since there is nothing to lose) and explaining what happened.  Thoughts?  I loved my marriage, but I feel more betrayed than if he had just had an anoymous one-night stand and no one knew. This has been going on for at least 4 years now.
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