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[quote=Anonymous]My DH's teen son moved in with us when he was 14 until he was 23.  It helped that my DH is a tough cookie - he doesn't play around and he doesn't give in to feelings or what you're "going through".  Things were taken away from DSS when he would consistently break a rule (a transgression here and there was forgiven if it wasn't major):  a computer, the car we let him use, etc.  The bottom line was it's our house, it's our rules.  If you don't like it, you leave.

It didn't make DSS perfect, there were bumps along the road, but he knew Dad was serious and would follow through.  The transgressions were mostly stupid teen things, he didn't dare try to do drugs in our house or sneak girls in.  I'm much more lenient than DH but those are things *I* wouldn't allow.

My opinion is your DH needs to really buckle down and get serious with his son.  These are our rules, you follow them or you go back to Mom's.  If DH is going to continue to not do anything because he's hurt by son's behavior, you just aren't going to get anywhere.  DSS is just going to keep taking advantage.  And a big thing we emphasized to DSS was you are an example, good or bad, to your younger (half) siblings.  Additionally your DC needs to see Dad set limits and enforce them.

As a stepmother myself, I know there's only so much influence you have with stepkids.  There's been many occasions where I felt DH should have handled something different with his sons, and I kept my mouth shut.  But as I mentioned, there were some things I draw the line on, just as I would with my own kids.  Those things may be different in your house than mine, but the kids -- all of them -- need to know it.

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