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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ask him.if it is great for the kids to see Mom doing all the chores while Dad gets to have fun. What kind of gender message does that send to boys and girls?

In our case DH is messy, and doesn't clean we have cleaners. I relaxed standards, yes we have crap around. DH does all the grocery shopping and errands and does dishes after I cook. I spend more time in the house and deal with crap, clutter, mail, vacuuming, wipe down, etc.

Ask him to take on the burden is other ways, discuss cleaners, and relax your standards so you too can spend more time with the kids..it's not ideal but you'll be happier if you can.[/quote]

...and most importantly accept him as he is so that he can accept you as you are. I have a husband very similar to you, pp.  It took some biting my tongue in the first 16 years of my marriage to accept my husband's careless ways. However, when I was diagnosed with a debilitating illness  six years ago he stepped in to take care of the kids, work full time, cook three meals and take care of me.  His years of not being unnecessarily bothered about small things meant that he was not burdened with things that were non-essential in the grand scheme of things and prioritize what needed to be done.  He is thankful for what we have and was able to adjust to real adversity in a way that showed more resiliency than I have.  He has taken care of me cheerfully, without resentment, without bitching and moaning, without being run down.  Yes, the house is still messy, we have the tendency to shove stuff and clutter in trash bags and hide it in the basement when guests come - but, we have healthy children, good social life, financial security and a strong marriage.   [/quote]

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