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[quote=Anonymous]Everyone always says you can't change anybody else, all you can do is change yourself.  So what exactly do people do when they're married to a slob who is great playing with the kids but absolutely crap at cleaning up behind himself (let alone the children)?  A) live with the mess or B) clean it up with a smile?

Even if DH would agree to a weekly house cleaner, there are still the daily messes he makes that I frankly don't want to live in.  The man can't even clean up the kitchen counter after he makes himself a sandwich!  I'm talking the bread, sandwich fillings, and knives are left sitting out on the counter with crumbs everywhere.  I'd made peace with being the only one to do any of the weekly apartment cleaning, but have found it is the cleaning up behind him that really frustrates me.  Kids are kids, but DH is an ADULT!.  However, if I don't clean up the mess he leaves, I have to live in it too.  He claims we just have different standards.  I clean the bathroom every weekend.  He says it isn't worth cleaning anything until it is dirty.  (we have one bathroom for a family of 4, oldest child is 4).  Sure my ideal is different than his (I'd love all cupboards and drawers to be perfectly organized) but I'm not asking or expecting that.  I'm asking him to sell or throw away the crap that has been sitting on the floor on his side of the bed for 6 months, to put his clothes in the hamper or hang them up when he changes his clothes, and to clean up the kitchen after he makes something for himself.  This seems like the basic courtesy and consideration you would show a roommate.  Isn't that a pretty low bar?  He's also capable of doing these things when we're visiting family or friends.

During a recent conversation about how I feel like he leaves all the chores to me and does all the fun things with the kids, he says to me "isn't that a great thing for our kids? They have a parent who is always wiling to play with them, and one who takes care of everything else they need!"  I was completely speechless.  Previously I'd thought he was just blind to the disparity, but clearly he is aware!. He paused, and said, "well, maybe that isn't such a great thing for you, but it seems great for the kids."  So if I can't change him, where do I go from here?

For a bit more context, we both work full time.  As far as academics go he definitely has the more prestigious resume, though I have the stronger work ethic and earn a little more (hasn't always been this way).  We've been married 10 years.[/quote]

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