Reply to shared custody arrangement with little kids

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[quote=Anonymous]Friends of mine did the home base approach when their kids were very young. They lived close. Kids always slept at moms but would spend time on the weekends at dads.

What it did mean though was a commitment to working together and to mom being okay with dad still in the house all the time. Dad came over and he still did bedtime routine every night. Since the kids went to bed early, there was no other way for dad to see the kids during the week. Neither parent dated for the first couple years as being working divorced parents of young children was pretty much all consuming.

Once the kid were about 4 and 6 (about 2 years after the divorce) the kids did start to stay overnight at their dads house on occasion. The mom's job shifted hours and she had to go into work early so dad came over every morning and did the full morning routine and took the kids to school. He would stop by after work to say hi / good night but didn't always stay for the bedtime routine.

Once they were about 6 and 8, they settle into more of a schedule and the kids did go back and forth more. Both kids ended up in competitive sports - different sports often on the same days and weekend so each parent took one kid regardless of the day. Same with weekends - who was with the kids was more about you take kid A to this and I'll take kid b to that and they would make sure the next weekend, they switched the kid they were with. They had to work together and were really flexible in that they helped each other out.

It has worked really well. The kids are now 13 and 15. Parents are both remarried and still live one block apart. The kids pretty much go back and forth as they wish depending on who is serving what for dinner, who can help with homework / project / who can drive to x activity/ who can take them to friend's house etc.

All four adults get along and all get together for birthdays and major holidays, although each parent also does their own celebrations with extended families sometimes. They vacation separately and will tell the kids and other parent if they want the kids for a certain night / weekend for a particular reason. Any significant events both parents go. It has taken a great deal of communication, patience and sacrifice on the part of the parents but the kids are happy and healthy, and at this point, the parents and their respective partners are as well. The kids don't know any different.[/quote]

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