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[quote=Anonymous] My husband is often the sweetest most loving man in the world, but he has serious emotional regulation issues. When he starts feeling threatened or insecure he can go into rages triggered by completely trivial things. When he’s in a rage, he shouts, he curses, he slams doors, he calls me names  and says extremely belittling things, and he announces that he’s leaving Me because he can’t stand being married to me.  He has never physically assaulted me, but on a few occasions he has grabbed my arm painfully, blocked me, etc.  His rages aren’t constant, in that he can go for six months without having a single one, but at other times he will go into rages every few days for a week or it will happen every month or so. Afterwards he is always sorry and apologetic.

In many ways he’s a wonderful wonderful man, and I do love him. I also understand a lot about how terrible his childhood was, and my heart goes out to him when I think how frightened and hurt and abandoned he felt as a child.  He is in therapy and takes medication, and this has improved things noticeably. His rages are somewhat less frequent, and he seems to get over them more quickly.  That said, they still occur, and when they do they are frightening and incredibly hurtful and distressing. It’s like my husband is body snatched by someone completely different. It’s a terrifying personality transformation.

I’m really wondering if I can stay in this marriage. I’m wondering if I should. He says he is working on his anger issues and truly wants to stay together and I believe him. I believe him, but after eight years together, I am losing faith that this will ever get better, or at least that it will ever get good enough.

Has anyone had any experience with this kind of thing? Has anyone had is it naïve to think that if he continues therapy and medication, he can eventually find ways to control his emotions better, so he’s no longer lashing out every time he feels hurt or upset?

Feeling kind of hopeless. And struggling to figure out what is “good enough.” He is a hurt, Emotionally damage Matt. In many ways, given his family, it’s amazing that he is as functional as he is, and when he’s not angry he is the most delightful funny smart and affectionate person. I’m trying to decide if the time with my smart funny adoring husband is worth putting up with the moments when he is the opposi emotionally damage Matt. In many ways, given his family, it’s amazing that he is as functional as he is, and when he’s not angry he is the most delightful funny smart and affectionate person. I’m trying to decide if the time with my smart funny adoring husband is worth putting up with the moments when  he metamorphosis into a terrifying bully. Can he change? Therapy and meds have definitely improved things. Just wondering if after a year of therapy and meds there is any basis to hope for further improvement. 
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