Reply to Great life, great wife, but I'm unhappy

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[quote=Anonymous]I've suffered anxiety and depression for many years and I'm trying to understand if it's the result of my marriage, because when I fantasize about being single, the depression is gone.

My wife and I have been together for 12 years and married for 6. We have 3 young children. The first time. my wife got pregnant unexpectedly and I felt the right thing to do was to give her and our child the stability and security of marriage.

I've always struggled with feeling trapped in relationships and went through a long period of "pursue, then panic" trying to win over girl after girl, and once I found their acceptance, I'd get claustrophobic and ruin the relationship.

The same thing happened with my wife but she was able to tolerate my behavior to the point where I eventually gave in to her pursuit (we had a friends-with-benefits relationship for 3 years before she gave me an ultimatum to either try a relationship or go our separate ways for good.)

First the good things... we have excellent communication, the same values and principles, some similar interests, good sex life, and we don't really argue, but when we do we know when to back down and apologize.

Now the bad stuff... I just can't shake this feeling I keep having that I made a mistake in getting into a relationship with her. I feel like I would be happier to just be single for the rest of my life. I just don't have the spark for her, nor do I feel in love with her.

I have trouble seeing our future together and this prevents me from making long-term plans. For example, I'd like to go and live in another country for two years but then I wonder if I'd just be miserable there instead.

It's important to note though that I only feel like this during the 6-8 week depressive episodes I have 3-4 times a year, and the rest of the time I'm pretty happy and content and love my wife. But I wonder if the depression comes out of some discontent for my current situation.

I've been to different counselors and therapists over the years, and take anti-depressants. I've done a LOT of work on myself and have made some real strides, however this nagging feeling keeps popping up that this isn't right for me.

I welcome all criticism.[/quote]

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