Reply to Can you accept being "just roommates" with a spouse?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How old are your kids? It may be easier to accept the lack of intimacy if it's for a limited period of time. If you decide that you will divorce when the youngest turns 18, then you can slog through as roommates knowing there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

In the meantime, invest more in yourself. Do what you would do if you were single and living with a roommate. Focus on your career, take up a new hobby, strengthen the bonds of your female friendships. Save money like crazy and get yourself into great shape so you're ready to date the minute you separate.[/quote]

OP here. This is what I am pondering exactly. It is 7 years away, and then I can leave with finanical stability and get on with it. But I'm not sure if that is too long.

He finds the roommate situation to be normal for a marriage, so we can't jointly decide to divorce at that time, it would be me keeping it to myself. 
[/quote]

PP here. I have a friend who is doing the same thing, but for different reasons. (Her husband is cruel to her. He doesn't know she has already initiated her plan to leave.) Seven years is not really that long. Focus on getting the support and emotional intimacy you need from friends and family. That will help you get through it. Dedicating yourself to a really rewarding hobby will also help a lot. Stay busy. And get active in social activities where you might be able to meet people when you are single again.

It's ok that you and your husband want different things from a marriage. Neither of you are bad. Just different. Protect the kids and prepare for the time when you can both be free to seek partners that are a better fit. [/quote]

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